#and while i disagree (ofc i do) i get the sentiment . it just hurts a lil bc :( theyre my boys .

[kristiliqua]

oh i fear this was literally me 😭😭😭 like “hm tim seems to be getting his throat slit a lot ! guess thats a thing that happened (that jason did) in canon”

that was before i tried looking for batfam accs on twitter and realized that Damn people Hate some of the fics i enjoyed (or at least i think . eye dee kay) for reasons that i dont necessarily know for sure , but can infer . i am now aware that theres a Whole Thing with fanon and canon n shit in the batfandom and its heavily apparent in fics . so now im Vaguely searching for whats actually canon n whatnot (like i get comic readers being peeved at mischaracterization . but also i already bookmarked a fuckton of fics and i aint unbookmarking them now . its too late . besides i liked the fic when i read it at the time so . whatever idk 😭 i think some ppl may care a lil Too much [its fanfiction ffs] but i get the feeling 100% . as long as u dont go harassing ppl for it and ppl arent claiming fanon as canon when they dont know shit [bc why r u talking when u clearly dont have a solid grasp on canon] , then yea . shore)

Reading all this Batfam fic has me trying to guess what stuff happened in canon based on how often it's referenced in multiple works like I'm some scholar trying to reconstruct some ancient lost ur-text based on other people's retellings of it. Like, I'm pretty sure the Batman canon included a scene where Red Hood breaks into the Titans Tower, attacks Tim Drake, and leaves a message saying "Jason Todd was here." Variants of it have shown up in quite a few fics I've read. Do I know the details? Not really. I think that Tim's shoulder was dislocated and the other Titans were drugged, too, but I'm less sure about those than I am of the event broadly happening. Granted, the first fandom in which I read copious amounts of fic is Danny Phantom, notorious for its extensive fanon, so I'm aware that I can't say conclusively whether or not Red Hood attacked Tim Drake in Titans Tower. But I'm pretty sure it happened.

[forsakenflora]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

TAGGED BY: @dolcetters / ( thank you bb !!! ily !!! )

TAGGING (don’t feel obligated to do it!): whispers anyone who sees this !!

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

—————————————————-

MY MUSE IS:  CANON / OC / AU / CANON-DIVERGENT / FANDOMLESS

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES  / NO / IDK  ( people have said she’s pretty? i mean she is, so ) 

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK  ( by a good majority, if we go by 03 standards ) 

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE  ( again, by 03 standards; kind plot-device-y ) 

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG ( i mean .... AGAIN, 03 .... ) 

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? not that strictly. she loses the pregnancy through a trauma-related miscarriage. back when i rped her years ago, i did not write in the fact that she had a child. i think i didn’t want to ... really write the parts with dante / the gate / etc. i could still in a separate AU where it’s strictly canon, but for just my writing sake, i decided no. she goes through having her rapist’s child, and that can be heavy for some. the assault alone is traumatic enough. but it’s real. so her story, at least in 03, does deserve to be told with sensitivity. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. do you like flowers? yes? good. do you like pretty, sweet girls? yes? ok great. please, allow me to introduce you to a person who combines all three !! rose thomas, a wholesome girl who, while living in a terribly hot city, will make you forget all about the heat with her charming smile and adorable laugh !! with her heart of gold, she will help out anyone and stand up for those that cannot !! while a little hot-tempered, rose truly has firm beliefs, but doesn’t mean she won’t learn from her mistakes and grow, flourish, like that of the flower she is named after !! so come visit liore and meet the city’s own pink-haired angel !! 

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).   .... well, first off, in 03, people disliked rose for the fact that she was seen as a threat to the pairing EdWin. which, ofc if you read the manga, doesn’t happen so. and idk if people couldn’t really relate to rose back then, much less in BH where she barely shows up (as story-line goes) and she isn’t as fleshed out as prior. umm. i think from what i’ve seen (even if it is canon) people didn’t particularly like that they “white-washed” her, even though technically she was meant to be originally light-skinned (she’s a desert child yet she’s white .... she’d burn but ok) and i think just how she came off originally really made people dislike her vs 03. and maybe her storyline in 03 wasn’t as interesting and maybe a little dark, given that she’s a WOC who is raped by a soldier(s) and had the child, then was used by scar, and then used again by dante, so maybe they figured she’s a weak person who gets manipulated a lot? (writing this is making me mad but from again, what i’ve read LMAO) and just the plot device with the child / gate opening. 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? honestly? cause she was pretty LMAO. but mainly bc she (in 03) was a brown girl, like me. even though you don’t know her race, i saw myself in her, and she was so sweet and wholesome. she lost her first love and was desperate to do whatever it takes to get him back and i think she was lost, uncertain, and i really felt that. as time goes on and you find out that she changes her tune and grows and uses ed’s words to help herself back up again from being in a war-zone, it’s inspiring. she didn’t just stick to her ideals, she really changed. and then she is assault. and you just feel furious for her bc she didn’t deserve that, after having just felt empowered to do the right thing. i think initially it was out of vanity, but as i continued on with her, she just grew to be apart of me. she was one of my longest played characters, so i do have a sentimental attachment to her. 

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? umm. it’s hard more so now bc she’s no longer my main muse. so finding her voice now, a decade-plus later, can pose as a challenge. but i guess other than having writing partners who love her just as much as i do, i think just thinking about what would ( 21+) rose grow up into? what sorts of complex thoughts would she have? music helps me mostly if nothing else tbh. 

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO ( MAYBE IDK )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES  / NO

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO ( MAYBE ) 

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO 

Are you a sensitive person? YES  / NO 

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   tbh i think i’d feel a little hurt only bc i do feel attachment, but i’d have to be open to criticism if i want to get better at developing her. at the end of the day, she’s not my character. 

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? of course !! i’m rarely on, but if i get them i’d love them. 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?   i’d be willing to know why, and see their pov, and we’d have to agree to disagree if it’s something that i personally feel in my heart of hearts that you’re allowed to have that .... but since this is my headcanon, then .... let it be? 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? i’d be like okay, then you write her? like. be a duplicate and write her. no one’s stopping you. write your own headcanons, do whatever you want. i think at this point it’s like, you’re right to your own opinions but then you’re kinda just being a dick about it. like. do i go to every other rose (or hinata on my main blog) and be like nooo you suck?? no, that’s rude. do i agree? not always, but hey if it makes you happy then fuck it be happy ?? LMAO but really, it’s fine, it’s for fun and i’ll try not to take it personally. 

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?   i’ll laugh. grow up?

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?  please ..... please tell me. i may have gone to uni but english is ..... tricky. even certain punctuations like this ( ; ) thing still consumes my nightmares when it comes to writing. if we thread and you see the error, please fix it for me and don’t let me see it or notice it. save me from shame. 

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   i want to say yes, but others may think otherwise bc i’m not them therefore i don’t know what you think of me. i may come off a type of way that may rub you the wrong way without my intention, and that’s just me being honest. if i’m not on this blog and on my main one, i’m sure by now you’ve gotten a decent sense of who i am ooc. i do try to be kind, but i know i can be absent at times only cause i’m overwhelmed and i use writing as an escape ... and then i get comfortable with whoever i write with, which i don’t want others to feel like i won’t give you a chance. maybe our writing styles will click, maybe not? but outside of rp i really am supportive (overly, disgustingly big-sister like supportive) and just quiet and chill, so please feel free to come to me if you ever need to !!! life just gets chaotic sometimes and i apologize for that !! but i’m super harmless, i’m awkward, but i am open and i welcome you all !! ;_; 

[assbuttyourlife]

When We Were Young - Chapter Fifteen

Pairing : Misha/OFC

Warnings : Language, Fire, trauma, PTSD, family members’ death (including child), therapy, flashbacks (not in every chapter), injuries, cheating. Long fic. Angst, fluff, Smut. Mention of suicide.

Words : 4895

Summary : After her grandmother’s funeral, Lily must return to the place she lived in when she was young and has to confront the ghosts of her past. She will run into an old friend that she thought was lost forever.

WWWY Masterlist

AO3 link

CHAPTER 15 - SKIN TO SKIN

After they entered the hotel room, still without a word, Lily fell down on her bed, feeling exhausted. It wasn't late, but all those emotions drained her, and she still felt extremely guilty to see Misha so upset. The atmosphere in the room was heavy and cold, but Misha broke the silence with his low voice.

"I'll be back soon." She looked up to see him leave the room, probably to go get something to eat. She Just hated everything about herself right now... But she had to do it... right? She didn't even know exactly how she really felt about him. They were in love when they were young, that's for sure, but now? Everything had changed. Nothing could be the same anymore, and obviously he didn't want to face it.

She did what she always did when she wasn't feeling good: Call Katie. She just hoped she wasn't too busy rehearsing.

"Heyyy! what's up Lily-bee?" She picked up right away and just hearing her high and raspy voice made Lily feel better. "Hey Kat! You seem good! Where are you?" "In the cafeteria at work, with David who says hi! Are you with Misha?" "Not right now, he uuh... He went to get some food."

Even through the phone, she couldn't fool Katie who immediately heard something was wrong.

"Is everything okay? You sound weird." "Yeah don't worry, we just kinda had what you could call a... disagreement?" "Again? Let me guess: He doesn't want you to sell the estates." Lily cleared her throat. “He actually doesn't. You're good!”

That happened yesterday, but she actually were glad that she had an excuse not to talk about what really happened. At that moment, she thought about something else that changed between her and Misha: they were fighting a lot more. Of course they had fights too when they were teens, but it was rare, and pretty much everytime about something really stupid. But now, they seem to disagree about everything, and it just proved how much they've changed and nothing could be the same.

“Ah ah, I knew it! He's a sentimental and he keeps tearing up when he talks about his childhood, I knew he would try to make you change your mind about selling. Did he actually succeed?” “No, he didn't. I will definitely sell whether he likes it or not. It's not his decision. It won't be easy for me either, but I have to.” “Lily... Do you realize how much money those properties must be worth?”

Katie had a point... The Litchfield mansion was huge and well preserved even if it needed to be freshen up a little, and the farm was even bigger and still workable despite the half burnt residence that should be fixed. “Probably a few... millions...” Lily pointed out.

Money had never been a problem for her, as far as she could remember, her grandfather and father did such a great job with the farm that they had more than enough and they were privileged enough to help other people, but hearing herself saying “millions” was kind of a shock for her anyway, so she just decided to laugh about it for now.

“I'll buy you a boat.” She chuckled. Katie scoffed. “God... I won't even start to tell you how much you'll be able to do with that kind of money, I guess you already know.” “Yeah, don't bother. So... Can we please change the subject for something... lighter?” She was beginning to feel really uncomfortable and that was not why she called Katie in the first place, she needed to be cheered up.

“Alright, alright. Hey umm... Have you checked Twitter since the convention?” Okay... Twitter was definitely a lighter subject, but she had a very bad feeling when she heard the tone in Katie's voice. “No. Should I?” “You know, you should uuh... you should probably change it and make it more... private.” “Why? What's going on?” “Well... you know how Supernatural fans are about girls and everything...”

Couldn't she be more specific? No, she didn't know anything about those stuffs! “Just... Trust me and change it okay? You don't need to waste your time reading everything. It's worthless.” “Thank you! Now I'm freaking out! I'll check it later.” “I need to go, Lily. David's eyes are getting scary, he's been waiting for me long enough. Call me if you need to talk alright? Love ya!” “Wait! What-” Great... she hung up.

Since Misha was still out, she opened the Twitter app on her phone and checked her timeline. It didn't look that bad, some people wanted to know if it was really her they saw at the convention, some others sent her nice tweets saying they were happy Misha found her back, that they were cute together on stage, that they wanted more stories, and then some... oh...

Some people thought she was lying about her identity just to be close to the cast, she saw someone tweeting that she was just Vicki's girlfriend, but Misha wanted to hide it so he made this old friend/girlfriend story up, others simply sent insults thinking she pretended to be his friend just for his money or fame... and she also saw a tweet saying she just wanted to end his marriage because she was jealous. They sure had a lot of imagination!

Their words were very hurtful though... Attention whore... freak... gold digger...jealous bitch...

She jumped when she heard the lock on the door clicking. Misha walked inside the room, put the food on the table and saw her standing in front of the window like a statue, her phone in her hand and a very annoyed look on her face. “Wow, relax. I took something for you too!”

She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but no sound got out. She just stayed here with her mouth open, breathing heavily.

“Lily? Don't be so dramatic, I'll get over it. I'm sorry if I reacted so-” She raised her phone and slid her finger on the screen to show him all those tweets about her. He wasn't even surprised.

“Oh... Yeah I could've warned you that could eventually happen.” She felt a wave of wrath growing inside of her. “That's all you have to say???”

He threw the phone down on her bed. “Well, it's unfortunate, but it's part of my life. Some people are just really, really stupid and do that for... I don't even know what for to be honest. I just don't pay attention to them. I'd rather focus on the positive aspect of this fandom to do good things.”

Unbelievable... He talked about it like it was the most normal thing in the world. Was she overreacting? Was she just a drama queen or something?

“Oh, so I am just supposed to shut up and let people insult me in public?” “Well, first you're supposed to make your Twitter more secure, but yeah, just ignore them. Don't let them get to you. You have no idea how many horrors I've read about me, and even about my family, kids included.”

She sat back on her bed and rubbed her face, sighing deeply in defeat. “That a lot of crap for a couple of days.” Misha frowned. “Hey! I don't want you to feel bad about our trip here!”

She stared at him with wide eyes. “Look at us, Misha! We can't stop fighting! We disagree on everything, this is ridiculous! And now this? This whole thing is a complete disaster!”

He sat on his bed, facing her, a bit disappointed she felt that way. “I don't think it is.” “See? Again, we disagree!”

His face fell at her hurtful sarcastic tone and his voice started to raise. “Don't ruin this for me! I enjoy being here with you!” “Naturally, it's my fault again. It was a fucking bad idea in the first place and you know it! We have nothing to do here anymore, among ashes and ghosts of the past! We're not the same persons anymore, we have nothing in common, just face it Misha, and then you'll be able to move on like I did!” She almost screamed.

She sighed heavily, got up of the bed and went to the bathroom, not bothering closing the door behind her as she was just getting her stuff back to put them on her suitcase.

“What are you doing?” Misha followed her. “I'm going back home, where I belong. We've wasted enough time. I should be rehearsing for next weekend's concert and you should be with your family while you're free.” She spat harshly. “Oh, so this is your solution to every problem in your life, uh? Running away? Just like you ran to Europe? That's the only thing you can do? Very brave, Lily!” They were both screaming at each other now, Misha following her every move, ready to jump if she tried to escape.

She opened the dresser and picked her clothes, throwing them angrily in her suitcase without even folding them properly. “Shut up! Don't pretend you know me! You don't! You did, but it's over. It's fucking over, Misha, do you understand that?” Her voice was shaky as she started crying, not because she was sad, but because she was full of rage, trying to make him understand that all of this was useless. She had a hard time closing her suitcase, as it was a big mess inside and she was shaking from anger.

“Do what you want here, take whatever you want, I don't even care. I'll call the agency to sell the houses next week, so you better hurry.” She put her suitcase down and started walking toward the door, taking her jacket and phone on her way. Misha followed her, feeling everything around him crumbling.

“Lily, stop!! Wait!!” He ran to the door so he could reach it before her and stood on the way so she couldn't get out. “Get out of my way!” He didn't move. His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared as he stared at her angrily. “Make me.” His voice was dangerously calm and low now.

In her rage, Lily threw her jacket in his face but he caught it. “Get... the fuck... OUT... OF MY SIGHT!” She yelled, catching every object she could put her hand on and throwing them at him between her words.

Tired of her little scene, Misha stepped forward and caught her right wrist so she would stop throwing things at him. She gasped. “Let me go!” He caught her other wrist, roughly pulled her towards him, spun around and pinned both of her wrists above her head against the front door. She struggled, panting, so he stepped closer to press her whole body between him and the door to keep her from moving and hurt herself.

“You fucking bastard! Get the fuck away from me! Let me go, damn it!!” She screamed, feeling trapped. He got even closer and looked down at her, his face only a few inches from hers, her wrists still pinned above her head. “I can't...” He whispered between clenched teeth. She panted and tried to struggle even more, but he was definitely stronger so she could only writhe a little under his weight, driving him crazy.

He leaned closer and crashed his lips on hers, sucking on them before biting her lower lip, which startled her so she made a strangled noise. He took both of her wrists in his right hand as he needed the left one to grip firmly on her chin and tilted it up so she would look at him in the eyes.

“I just can't let you go, don't you understand that?” He growled before roughly kissing her once more, this time pushing his tongue inside of her mouth.

She was still panting and writhing between him and the door, but she kissed him back, biting his lower lip too. Misha slid his leg between hers and raised his knee up a little so his thigh was now pushing up right between hers, and she completely lost it when she felt the pressure between her legs. Her eyes shut down and her legs almost gave up so he had to let go of her wrists to support her, but he didn't stop. He grabbed her chin once more and tilted her head up.

“Look at me.” She heard the dominance in his voice and felt the wetness between her thighs spreading, as he laid his hand on her hips and slid it under her shirt, now biting on her neck. She gave in, unable to resist him any longer, raising her arms so he could take her shirt off completely, and she went wild when he licked on her neck, right on the spot that he knew made her weak, soon sliding his tongue lower to her chest. She moaned loudly and grinded against his thigh while she touched him everywhere, finally free from his grip. She almost ripped his shirt open, eager to feel the warmth of his skin against her chest after so long.

She couldn't stop touching him, his large shoulders, his firm chest, then she reached further and scratched his back until her hand finally reach his jean's bandwaist, and she plunged under his boxer to squeeze his ass. He groaned and reached for her jeans too, unzipping them quickly. He pulled his leg back from between hers and she whined at the loss. He stopped kissing her and stared hungrily in her eyes while he pulled her jeans down roughly. She helped him by stepping on it and freeing her legs. She was now only in her underwear and this vision made Misha even more eager. He pressed his body to hers and cupped her ass, raising her from the ground, and she instinctively locked her legs around his waist, her head falling back against the door in a thud when she felt his rock hard erection through his jeans. She gripped on his shoulders when he kissed her once more. The kiss was wet and full of tongues, they were just devouring each other. She rolled her hips against his jeans and they both whined at the sensation.

Misha turned around with her still hooked around him, walked to his bed and threw her on it before pulling his pants off while she was laying on her back biting her lower lip. He climbed on the bed, put his hands on her knees and spread her legs before laying down on top of her and leaving open wet kisses on her neck. He reached behind her back to unclasp her bra and she arched to help him. She let out a long and obscene moan when he closed his mouth around her right nipple and sucked hard. She scratched his back one more time and shoved her hand between their bodies, gripping his hard clothed cock to stroke it.

“Ahh!” He grunted and threw his face in the crook of her neck, biting harder, kneading one of her breast in his hand. She pulled down on his boxer, unable to wait any longer. He knelt back on the bed between her thighs to help her, and she licked and bit her lower lip, humming when she saw his thick cock finally free. Of course, Misha did the same and quickly pulled her black panties down too, before observing her body with darkening eyes. His hands caressed up her legs and he bent down to kiss her on the lips. He laid down on top of her and when he felt their naked bodies fully connected, as she wrapped her arms tight around his chest and her legs around his waist, his cock rubbing on her lower stomach, his mood changed, and he kissed her slower and slower, deeper and deeper, realizing he was making love to the woman he missed so much.

He could've kissed her like that forever. It was worth a million words, and he put everything he felt for her in that kiss, sucking on her soft and luscious lower lip, tasting her over and over again. He held her face in his hands and broke the kiss to stare into her green gaze. She stared back at him with shiny eyes and smiled, sliding her hands down to his lower back. She pushed a little and felt the tip of his cock on her now soaking entrance, which caused her head to fall back and her mouth to open without making a sound.

Misha sucked on her neck one more time while thrusting his hips further and entered her slowly until he was fully inside of her, causing her to dig her fingers on his back and moan. He didn't move. He just stopped everything to look at her and appreciate the exquisite feeling of her around him.

“I missed you so damn much.” He whispered. Her eyes reddened and she ran her fingers through his hair. She gently pushed his head down and kissed him slowly. “I missed you too.” She replied softly against his lips. Misha wiped a tear that fell from her eyes with his thumb and stroked her hair back. He gently pressed his lips to hers again and started to thrust slowly. They both stopped kissing to moan in each others mouth, as good as it felt for both of them despite the torturous slow pace of his hips. They stayed with their mouths open, breathing each other's air, while Misha sped up his pace a little and thrust harder, needing more. She moaned at every move.

“Oh... Misha... fuck!” The sounds she made were driving him crazy, so he sped up even more, knowing he wouldn't last long after twenty two years of missing her perfect body. She grabbed his hair with a hand, wrapping her other arm around his chest. The feeling of him inside of her was pure ecstasy. She forgot how good he felt, how thick he was, how perfectly their bodies matched. She whined and swayed her hips under him, her breasts rubbing against his chest. He could feel her hard nipples against him, her arms shaking around his neck, her warm stomach under his, her legs hooked around his waist, her walls twitching around his cock, and the feeling was almost unbearable.

“Come with me.” He purred in her ear and thrust his hips frantically, sucking her neck one more time. “Oohhh god... Misha... Oh fuck... yeah!” She bit her lower lip hard and held onto him even tighter, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Open your eyes, Lily...” He wanted to sink into her gaze while she came, he needed her to see him loving her. The feeling of him thrusting fast and hard inside of her while she was wrapped around his warm and firm body was so unbelievably good that she just wanted to close her eyes to melt in the sensation, but she fought to keep them open and look into his piercing eyes, now almost black from lust, with a hint of blue sparkling emotion.

They both dissolved into pleasure at the same time, staring at each other and screaming each other's names. She felt her walls clenching around his hard cock as his pace became unsteady and he came inside of her, and her eyes rolled back as she cried out his name one more time. He grunted and thrust a few more time, guiding her through her orgasm, and when her moans got lower, he collapsed on top of her, laying his head on her chest to catch his breath. She didn't roll to move him away from her. She needed to melt under his weight and warmth just like she used to do when they were young.

Misha had always been a cuddler, he liked to stay and lay on top of her to cuddle after sex, and apparently it didn't change. He pulled up a little, supported by his elbows on each side of her face, and he looked at her for a while without saying anything.

She opened her eyes and saw him staring at her with awe.

"What?” She whispered. A tender smile slowly grew on his face. “This is no PTSD... This is not because we're here... This is not nostalgia or any other crap. I love you, Lily, and I mean it. I know you're scared, but I'm not. Something... or someone, took us apart for twenty two years while we could've been happy together, and I'm done wasting time.”

She shook her head, closed her eyes and clenched her jaw. “Oh Misha...” she caressed his cheek and traveled to his hair. God how she loved his soft hair!

“The only thing I'm asking you right now, is to not regret this. We'll figure the rest later. Can you do that?”

Her right hand traveled softly from his shoulder to his lower back as she sank into his gaze. She knew she would regret this the second she would be away from him. She would feel terribly guilty and she would probably never be able to look at Vicki in the eyes, but right now... she was happy and complete... She felt like she was sixteen again, and she only wanted to keep him forever.

“I don't know.” She replied honestly.

And this was the exact time Vicki chose to call her husband... Misha's phone rang on the nightstand so he picked up, moving away from Lily in the process, and she sighed, feeling empty again. “Hey Vic, what's up?” Misha answered casually.

Of course, Lily's brain started to work... too much. She was currently naked in the bed of a married man and a father, who was also naked, talking to his wife on the phone right after they had unprotected sex... Nice one, Lily! And she was supposed to not regret it and not think she was a reckless slut after that? She just did what Peter did to her a few weeks ago, except it was even worse for her because she was destroying a whole family... Oh god if Rebecca knew about that... She would hate her for devastating her family. And if her mom could see her right now, she would be so ashamed of her own daughter!

She felt terrible, unable to keep listening to him being all cute while West took the phone because he was missing his daddy, so she got up, picked clean clothes in her super messy suitcase, and went to clean up in the bathroom, avoiding looking at herself in the mirror. He was still on the phone, naked in his bed, when she got out, fresh and dressed.

“I don't know yet, we'll probably go to see our old school or something.” She heard him say to Vicki. He looked at her and winked. She went to check her phone on the armchair near the window.

“I gotta go, Vic. Kiss Maison for me. I'll call when she wakes up.” He hung up and went to the bathroom to clean up too. While she waited for him, Lily tried to eat a bit of the chicken salad Misha brought earlier, but all she could hear were the words whore and home wrecker, resonating again and again in her mind, so she gave up eating, feeling nauseous.

When he got out of the bathroom all dressed and ready to go, she observed him, and something bothered her.

“You look like you don't feel an ounce of guilt...” It startled him so he leaned on the table right next to her. “That was fast... I thought you'd reject your guilt a little longer.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “You just fucked another woman and talked to your wife and kid right after and you act like this is totally normal when it's definitely not.”

He crossed his arms. How could he be so insouciant? “That's how you see it?” “That's exactly what it was, Misha! How blind are you?” “I just made love to the woman I was supposed to marry but lost tragically twenty years ago. We are lucky enough to have a second chance, Lily... I won't let that slip away from me without fighting. I tried to stop missing you, to stop loving you, to stop wanting you, but I can't, you hear me? I can't lose you twice.”

Damn it! He knew perfectly how to make her feel like jelly!

“I don't feel guilty because I know what I'm doing. I know Vicki, I'll talk to her. Then I'll figure something out depending on her reaction.” “Depending on her reaction??? She will fly to Seattle with her crying kids who lost their daddy, and she'll get to me and slit my throat while I sleep and expose my head to the world! And she will be RIGHT about it!"

He didn't want to, but he slammed his hand on his mouth and laughed uncontrollably. “Are you fucking laughing? Is this funny to you?” “Your reaction kinda is, yeah! Do you hear yourself? You should avoid anticipating reactions of people you don't know. I'm pretty sure I know what Vicki will do or say, and I can only tell you you're far from the truth.” "No. You will shut up about it and preserve what you have. She doesn't have to know does she?" "Yes, she has to know, first because we are honest with each other about everything, and then because it will happen again."

As appealing and exciting as it sounded in his mouth, she couldn't imagine herself being that kind of woman. "No, Misha. It won't happen again. Consider this a... I don't know... a closure fuck."

He grabbed her arm and forced her to stand facing him. He was still leaning on the table, so he spread his legs and pulled her towards him, then took her chin in his hand and kissed her. Oh god that mouth... She couldn't help but kiss him back, feeling her legs getting weaker and weaker. He left her mouth to look intensely into her eyes.

"It will..." He leaned to suck on her neck. "happen..." He traveled to her ear and tugged on her earlobe with his teeth and her eyes rolled. "again." He pressed her hips to his crotch and she tried to suppress a moan but failed miserably.

"That's it...I'm going to hell." She had a second of lucidity and drew back from him, sitting back on her chair. "Okay, you have a point, I'm weak and you and your fucking perfect body are devilish. That doesn't mean I want that." "Seriously? You're still gonna pretend you don't want us to be together after that? Bullshit!" "I don't know what I want, Misha! Actually yeah... I want us to go back in time and get out of the hospital after the fire with everyone still alive, and we would go to college and get married and be happy like we planned. Can we do that? NO! Every other scenario where I would have to share you or destroy your family is unacceptable."

"Are you done? Who said you would have to share? You're just scared, I understand that, and it's normal. I won't force you to anything, and I won't do anything before talking to Vicki. But unlike you, I know exactly what I want, I will give up only if I know for sure that you don't want it too. But for now... We should go out of this room and have some fresh air to clear our minds. How about we go to the park, then we can go have dinner somewhere, and you know what I would love to do?" Her face turned into a puzzled expression as she squinted her eyes. "I would love to check out of here and spend our last night at the farm."

She almost gasped. "What? There's nothing there! No water, no power... No beds!" "Like I care. I lived like that before, remember?"

Oh snap... Of course she remembered but she hadn't thought about it and now she felt slightly embarrassed and guilty. "Yeah you did but... This is different... I mean... It's wild and full of... Insects and who knows what else and..." He chuckled. "When did you become so townie? You're a countryside girl! Where did your adventurous spirit go?" "It burnt away."

That harsh comment hit Misha like an ice cold shower. "I refuse to let you become that kind of person. We're going, period."

He stood up, put his jacket on, took his suitcase and left the room to go check out at the front desk, taking her with him by the hand. Lily sighed but had no other choice but to follow him... It's gonna be a damn long night.